Twisted

twistedWe all know exercise is good for us and I know it is good for my physical and mental health. if I’m honest it bores me a little and if I’m tired, sore and stressed the gym is the last place I want to be. I force myself  by remembering how I feel after exercise.

A long time ago I had a scary experience in the sea were I was rescued as I couldn’t make it back to shore. The memory is so strong that even at the local pool I am often over come by the fear I won’t make it to the end of the pool. Previous coping tactics have including faking cramp near the deep end and swimming back.

I have learnt that  occupying my mind with a puzzle or a scenario can turn my brain’s high alert button off.

I use this technique in any situation that I feel the panic raising, my throat going dry, my hands sweating, voices becoming distant. Examples would be: Getting in a lift, heights, small spaces: I think you get the gist of my phobias.

Last night I set a target of 20 lengths and my mental distraction was to re-write sayings to fit my twisted sense of humor.

Sensible saying 1. A problem shared is a problem halved.

Twisted version: A problem shared could become gossip and end up on FB

SS2:Home is where the heart is

TV:Home is where the fighting is, the dog farts and the constant washing and cleaning pisses you off.

SS3: Always be the bigger person

TV: Always consider having someone kidnapped and tortured.

SS4: Two wrongs don’t make a right

TV: Two wrongs is sometimes good because it is so fucking boring always doing the right thing.

SS5: Don’t count your chickens before they have hatched

TV: Don’t count chickens, count calories to avoid getting fat

SS6: A bird in the hand is worth 2 in the bush

WTF

SS7: keep your friends close and your enemies closer

TV: keep your friend close and lock your enemies in a dungeon

SS8: Smile and the world smiles with you

TV: Smile too much and people will think you are a psychopath

SS9: You are what you eat

TV: I’m a Cadbury’s dairy milk ( must pay attention to the twisted chicken saying)

SS10: And they all lived happily ever after

TV: This one must be about people I am yet to meet

BOOM: 20 lengths without drowning 😉

 

 

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